Because today, she will meet up with her sister and her sister’s old roommates, back at Lynchburg, for a fun night…
Because tomorrow, she will drive back home to run with my “kid” sister in a fundraiser for a friend who died too young…
But mostly, because last night, we did the full out ugly cry. Had the hard talk. The “you aren’t like other people and it’s okay” lecture. The “if it takes you longer who gives a ___” came out of my mouth. To which she smiled and snotted all at the same time. We both did.
Disclaimer: No one was mean. No one has forgotten her. No one was involved. She has struggled through this semester and pushed hard. Last night, she finally conceded what I already knew … that she was not “fine” as she always says.
And.That’s.Okay.
It simply has to be, given the hand of cards she was dealt.
We talked hard. Laughed hard. Cried even harder. Then we wiped the snot and tears away and laid out some scenarios for summer and fall that we can set new goals for.
My mother is gone. The one thing she did NOT teach me was how to live my life and mother the hard days without her. But the one thing she DID leave me is to love your people well. Deeply, fully, all in and always have their backs.
Alexandria is the one who pushes her to get out and do. Come with and join in. They share the same brain at times with things they like. Easily break out in songs from long ago and occasional dance moves.
Thomas finds his way into her room, after he’s been all over the county with his buddies, sharing who said what and this or that. Keeping her informed and in the know. He can crack her up with his one liners.
One friend, sends a sunset snapchat almost every day, with a note about it not being as beautiful as her. To not embarrass, he will remain nameless.
Here’s a little clip that shows how powerfully wonderful sibling bonding can be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0KLb_v50-k
When they were little, in the bickering and button pushing stage, I worried about their adult connection. I recall sitting at a soccer game and another mother asking me how I could get the other two to come to the one’s ballgame. That her kids would never do that. Uninterested or bored, she’d said. I replied that I did not give them a choice. If there was no conflict, then we came as a family to support whoever was doing the thing. Violin, soccer, lacrosse, assembly, etc. She looked at me like I had a third eyeball.
Plant the seeds now that you want to see bloom later. My kids are not perfect. They still drive me bonkers. Parenting adults makes those teens years look easy. Parenting teens overrides the middle school mayhem. And parenting them makes the toddler years dreamy.
As for fall plans … we are figuring it out. But she knows I have her back and that her people support her no matter what she does, where she goes, or how long it may take to hit her goals.
