When I look back through my photos, sometimes one will catch my breath. Either the beauty, the feelings of the moment caught on film, what I didn’t see in the background, or whatever. And then sometimes, it’s an overwhelming sadness and feeling like she was robbed. Of so many years and of so many things.
This is a kid full of life, friends, activities and going wide open. With a belly laugh that you could not help but crack up when she got started. The laughter is more reserved now; infrequent and quieter.
So what’s up with this title, you ask? Well…seems that summers in the even years were the toughest. Let me explain.
SUMMER ’12 – UVA West Wing and Chicago’s Diamond Headache Clinic
DHE infusions for seven days. May 2012. What I did not get a picture of was her sister brushing her hair while she saw in a chair by a large window. One of the most beautiful sister moments ever for this mama heart. But she crawled in her bed and Em clung to her. When she was awake, which was rare for the meds they gave her.
June 2012. Chicago. She and traveled to Chicago’s Diamond Headache Clinic for the same DHE infusions although administered radically differently there. They wanted her up and alert. She met two wonderful girls as they three were stuck on the pediatric floor but the program catered mainly to adults. My sweet mother-in-law stayed with us, extending her trip, so I would not be alone.
And because all this was happening at the same time as travel soccer tryouts, despite her being on the team for three years, she was cut. This is still something I cannot talk about without getting fired up. Cannot even go there. But that smile, that talent and this cutie.
SUMMER ’14 – Bangor, Maine – decompression surgery
Warning of graphic photos. Decompression was to loosen any muscle and nerve malformations in areas in here head that could be causing the headache. Think carpal tunnel in your hands as very much the same concept. She has a large cut from ear to ear in the back of head just above the neck. Removed the center nerves by going through her eyelids. And her temples were also removed. Plus they harvest fatty cells from her love handle area to wash the forehead area as filler. And if all that weren’t enough, they took a muscle from a more personal area to to insulated the back occipital nerve so as the nerve woke up, it would not reject a foreign substance.
SUMMER ’16 – UVA Gwathmey – knee surgery
Waking up to learn not only had she torn her ACL which we knew, but she had ripped the meniscus so badly that she would have zero weight bearing for over a month. That was tough.
And no sophomore soccer at school leading up to the repairs.
This was dinner out and pokemon search. Harrisonburg. They amused their mother by a photo shoot at a church door. She loves her some church doors.
SUMMER ’18 – UVA Gwathmey – hip surgery
Confused about which wreck was which?
Wreck One was at Jake’s headed to Gap in her long sought after Audi she named Oliver. Barry had looked for nearly two years to find something safe at a decent price. Well it worked like a tank, except that airbag recall notice we got last week. They did not deploy despite the damage. Speed was roughly 50-55 and the car turn left directly in front of her. So she t-boned the blue truck with such force that it knocked his back tire completely off and spun him around a full 180. She hit her head on the steering wheel. She had stitch impressions from the leather. Her head pain rose and has not come back down. This was November 2017. She was not at fault. Both vehicles were a total loss.
Wreck Two she was rear-ended sitting completely stopped at a light, March of this year. Again no airbag deployed, both cars totaled and other driver at fault and was arrested for narcotics. Em was hit so hard, the Jetta was shoved 70 feet into the intersection. Back glass blew out all over her but she had seen the truck driving erratically so braced herself for impact. She was literally sitting at the line where you see the red truck photo. Much like olympic curling. She was just pushed out of the way and her spot was taken.
This impact was tough. Different. More damage. Her left foot was resting on the “fake” pedal that bumps out a little in most cars. So upon impact, her leg was shoved up into her torso, damage the hip. She has a fracture, enormous bone bruise still seven weeks out, tear and some other really big words injuries. Surgery is scheduled for July 3, his first available. We are also having MRIs done on both knees to assess better. Her left knee is right back to where it was prior to that repair. Future surgery for that may very well occur, but not this summer. She hit her head on the side window then neck whipped forward and hitting the headrest hard with the back of her head. The very same area as decompression surgery. This has increased her head pain so severely she had a very hard time this last semester. She missed 48 days this school year with most all of it the last half. In fact, we have just started with the UVA pain clinic to better manage this.
So that’s a more thorough update and confusion clarification. Em is trying to squeeze as much summer into the next four weeks as she can. But the hip is not allowing her to even go on short walks or climb stairs without severe pain. So we are trying to figure out things she can actually do all June. We have
held off college enrollment this fall not knowing what we would learn today. We meet with an advisor on Monday to figure that out. We go back to UVA tomorrow for a pain management assessment for acupuncture and again next week to another for cranial osteopathic therapy.
She is taking two summer classes online. It serves her well to stay distracted away from her constant head pain. So this, plus all these other appointments, then juggling all that this fall….this remains true. For one who did not care much for bling or girlie things, she sure does sparkle like a diamond. Toughest kid I know.
But it could always, always, always be worse. So in the words of Marley, The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively. Anyone that spends any time with this girl, knows she will give a thumbs up or say she’s fine. No matter what. She is also the most empathic person to someone else’s problems. Even when they don’t compare to her own. This has not made her bitter or angry. Not even the wrecks added to the head pain. She actually handles it better than I do most days.
Closing with another Bob quote: Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.